So I know I said I was going to post an update on everything that’s been going on with me. But here’s the thing…I’m not allowed to talk about a lot of it yet. Which drives me nuts! I get so goddamn excited about everything, I want to run out and tell everyone the second I know it’s happening. So I’ll be posting updates as I’m allowed.
For now, I’ll just say this. For those of you who have been following along with the El Gigante film, based on the first chapter of my novel Muerte Con Carne, really good things are happening. The kinds of things, to be honest, I never thought would be possible for a dude like me.
Until I’m allowed to say more, about that and lots of other stuff, I’d like to share a little something fun with you. A certain company reached out to me and asked me to pitch them a few ideas. I think they wanted two, maybe three. But as I said before, I tend to get really excited, and I’ll have trouble sleeping if I don’t get this shit out of my head. So…I pitched them eight ideas. I had twelve, but I decided to hold back and just give them the eight. I wrote the first 1,000 words or so of each idea. I reached out to an incredibly talented friend of mine named Cody Schibi, who drew up some bad ass sketches for each pitch. Out of the eight, the company I speak of asked for three of them.
My favorite out of the five they passed on is a little something called AXE VS SAW. An idea I’ve had for a while, but never really knew what to do with it. I’ve been thinking about developing the idea as a comic book, and still might do that. Since this is only a sample, let me explain a little. An axe and a chainsaw are arch enemies. They both have the power to control and basically possess any person who touches them, and they use these people’s bodies to fight each other. So it can be a fat guy fighting a granny at one point, and then become a kid fighting a security guard. It’s got lots of potential for complete chaos and a gory good time.
Please enjoy the first little taste of AXE VS SAW. I’m not sure if I’ll do anything with this or not. If you think I should, let me know!
AXE VS SAW
I hoped I could get to him before he got a chance to hurt anyone else. I failed.
Avoiding crowds of people was my number one priority, and when it came to crowds, the shopping mall was probably at the top of the list. Add Christmas on top of that, and it was a whole new breed.
I was right on his tail, too. Or her tail. I’m not sure what we are anymore.
The parking lot was full of vehicles creeping along, drivers praying one of the parked cars’ white reverse lights would ignite like possessed, blind eyes. Drivers hanging out of their windows and cursing one another out in front of their children.
I was still able to keep him in my sights as he sprinted through the mess and toward the front entrance. If I could just reach him before he made it in, I might still be able to avoid the chaos I knew he craved. What he lived for.
I reached out. My fingertips tickled the collar of the flower dress he wore. I almost had them hooked, could have yanked him backward and saved all those people.
My bulbous body bounced off another. A body so hard and tall I thought I had run into a stone pillar. But then the pillar leaned over and talked, raining spittle down over my pudgy face.
“Watch where you’re goin’, you fat fuck. Look at this shit!” The man pointed to the brown and white stain on his Afflicted T-shirt, the pectorals underneath bulging and twitching like pregnant bellies. He held a crushed Starbucks cup in one hand, pointed a heavily-knuckled finger with the other. “I should kick your ass for that. Get up. I said get up!”
So I did. Once I was on my feet, he noticed the axe. I didn’t want to hurt him, didn’t want to hurt anyone, but if I had to cut my way through the tower of testosterone with a taste for mocha lattes to save the others, I would have done so without hesitation.
One look at the axe and he stepped aside. His chest loosened up and he told me to take it easy, called me bro a few times.
That’s about the time the rest of the people around us noticed the axe. There were screams and children were scooped into protective arms and a path was cleared for me. I wasted no time taking advantage of it.
Once I was inside, I knew I was too late. I took a moment to watch the people inching through the mall, shoulder to shoulder, all carrying more bags than they had fingers or balancing stacked boxes in their arms. All gifts for their children and loved ones to celebrate joy and togetherness, yet not a single face looked to have been struck by the spirit of the holiday. Instead, faces burned red, mouths bared teeth, eyes squinted.
I wondered, when this was all over, how many of them would die.
Having no time to waste, I lifted the axe over my head. I didn’t have to say a word. Once crowd split for me, I sprinted forward, stopped at the railing where I could get a good look at the first floor. I had run in chasing an old woman, but he could have been anyone by now.
My eyes proving useless, I shut them and listened. Blocked out the continuing screams around me the best I could.
Another scream. In the distance. A revving engine.
There you are, you son of a bitch.
I threw my large body over the rail, landed hard on the tiled floor one story down. Something snapped in my left leg. It was loud enough that everyone around me winced, and when I tried to stand, I tilted to the side and nearly toppled over. But I didn’t let that slow me.
The combination of the bone protruding from just under my knee and the axe parted the shoppers. Others ran from me, looking over their shoulder with eyes as wide as ornaments.
I stopped. The bone made another snapping sound and stuck out further. Blood soaked into my sock and filled my shoe. The people who ran from me stopped too, turned and ran the other way as the tidal wave of terrified bodies roared toward us.
I held my position. Studied every face that sped by me.
“Stop right there!”
The voice came from behind me and I ignored it. Focused on the little old lady trudging out of the candy store, blood dripping from the teeth of her chainsaw.
Her pale, gray eyes lifted and landed on mine. A smile spread across her tree bark lips.
I went for her. More shouting from behind me.
The old woman lifted the chainsaw to her chest, yanked the cord to get it spinning and roaring again, spraying blood in every direction.
Holding the axe with both hands, I lifted it over my head, running as fast as the broken leg would allow.
“I said stop, goddammit!” The voice behind me again.
It hit me in the back. I didn’t know what it was at first, only that I couldn’t move. My body spasmed and jerked. I must have leaned too hard to the left, because the leg snapped and buckled, and I stumbled backward.
It wasn’t until I was in the fountain, submerged in water and lying on a bed of wishful loose change, that I saw the wires flowing off my back like limp porcupine quills.
More screaming, muffled since I was underwater now. The body now lifeless and boiled.
A man’s face appeared above me. “Holy shit. Oh Jesus…I didn’t mean for that to happen. You saw that, right? He fell in all on his own.”
Another man’s face appeared. They both wore the same uniform, both had sparkly badges pinned to their chests.
“That was fucking awesome,” the second man said, and he reached in and took hold of the axe.
Back on my feet again. The new body was firmer, longer. Both legs intact.
The old woman was waiting for me. Swung the saw and ate away at my new chest. The spinning teeth caught the badge and tore it off my shirt, flinging it like shrapnel. It stuck into the other security guard’s neck, submerged more than halfway. He dropped to his knees, blood spurting from between his fingers as he clawed at the wound.
The swing made the old woman stagger, nearly lost her balance.
I took the opportunity to bury the axe into the top of her head. Turning the fluffy white curls into sopping bloody clumps.
The chainsaw fell from her gnarled talons. I reached for it.
A pair of tiny hands lifted the saw before I could get there. A lollipop stem sticking out from between the little boy’s pink lips.
He grinned wide. And yanked the cord.